I want a body, one that doesn't lie to me.
I want a fucking boyfriend, one that dissapoints me.
One friend that doesn't get up when falls.
One that maybe will break my heart.
One that will keep me up at night.

I lied to myself so many times,
can't stop complaining, can't stop faking.
I feel guily for things i've never done, some explainable.
There is 3 of him, i can't feel any of them.

One sweet like hell, naive like always,
wears his green flag skin everyday, improving what is inside.
Treats me with respect, the husband type.
Smiling, fragile, a true fighter.

One a kid, thinks he knows best, doesn't know how to treat a princess.
Does stupid things for a couple laughs, forgets whos behind the screen.
I have something against him, it isn't healthy to talk about it.
Broke my heart twice and still goes for a streak.

I just met him days ago, we got intimate pretty fast,
a total dirtbag, one that goes for my heart, better than god ever could,
Quirky boy, tries to jailbreaks me like an AI.
A piece of shit, one that belonged in my dreams since i was 13,
cried for it every night, hugging a pillow like a ritual.
I still like him a lot, i want the best for him, be in his arms when i wake up at midnight.
Making wild sex and sabotaging eachother's lifes.

They keep coming and keep making myself for them with no shame. But with regret.

Convinced myself into hiding that away, making myself exclusive for them.
If i lose what i love, will i be back at square one?
I love them all, but there is always a screen between us
I'm no better than them, in fact, i'm worse than them in every way possible.
Deep down i didn't took anything seriously... But it still hurt.
just.... mere pixels on my oled, music burning my head, going for porn to keep up the stress.

Blaming the damn bipolarity that makes me whole.
Blaming my own body... dreaming about getting rid of it.
All this "impartiality" destroys me,
barely knowing what a "victim" is.
Playing all sorts of mind games and keeping it away from others,
locked trauma, knowing someday will break me out of this world.