For context, this note is meant for the few ones who know about the "discussion" and kabusa. & to close friends that heard about it to know more. If not, get out of this note or read it contextless, whatever.
---&---&---&---&---&---&---&---&---I don't hate any of the gender lgbt or whatever stuff, I don't directly support it but i am not against. I hate the concept of comunism, i'm a leftist-anarchist it doesnt mean anything with my personality or the way i act - i just stand by individual freedom and socialism.
I wasn't throwing a tantrum, i was defending myself agains slurs, pure chaos, people making it all out of context or making unrelated connections about like my personal life... To make it clear: have close trans friends, i know what they when through, what they suffered, the everyday struggles, the social situation...
The argument apparently started because i was defending what a trans really is and what trans have to go through in the real world, the feelings envolved - and that's when u guys started going all about religion, law, biology without any reasoning structure whatsoever. Just throwing shit and joking around mindlessly.
When i couldn't keep up with about 4 people attacking MY OWN PRESPECTIVE and my opinions, you guys ridicularized me, insulted me by saying slurs like "faggot", deminished me ("you're acting smart", "You don't know half of that", "you're so stupid") + a bunch of "woman are weak and sensible" crap statements and the constant bullying that goes either transphobia or to MY PERSONAL LIFE - mind that there is 4 PEOPLE TALKING AT THE SAME TIME and i am only one.
My opinions are well developed, if i don't know enough about it i state it and shut up. I didn't ask for it. I didn't get violent.
I didn't attack any of you guys in any way, i didn't fight back, it was so overwhelming to DEFEND MYSELF and Defend what I BELIEVE is being trans in a world that is against forms of self-expression ("THAT ISN'T A GIRL", "BIOLOGICALLY 🤓", "TRANS GIRL ISN'T A GIRL") without considering feelings, just trying to prove me wrong in any way you guys could.
and now? You (kabusa) and others who was part of the argument are sharing out of context screenshots to eachother or to me when i speak anything about it, making it all seem small.. making me look stupid... and you keep saying "im sorry", "it was kam" (or others), "it was only one", "i didn't call you anything"... but you were a part of it and you know it. Others were joking around and so u joined them to take a few laughs and "have fun with your friends".
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I am blaming you, "kabusa". I lost my respect from all of you. It hurted me. It damaged me mentally. And i am playing the "victim card", because I AM the VICTIM. This discussion was the "last drop". Im going to state stuff before it here. This is really personal but needs to come out in some way.
I liked you, i apreciated talking to you, i really did, i was spending many nights thinking about you, thinking about your silly projects, maybe focusing on myself and school so i wasn't always up to talking... u said that u never took anything of our friendship seriously, then i said "i never took is seriously too" and played along, even if it hurt.
Doesn't matter the gender, the political thing, my "mood sickness", heat of the moment, your friends, or the guilt traps u constantly made... all of this.. yea i probably went a bit nuts on the expectations, my fault for most of the things i said to myself and compromises i did to make you happy, the little dreams of getting getting out of the screen to hug you, the attempts i've made to be myself while being the best for you (like the religion switch, it was a mistake trying to change myself in the first place) - to me.. seems like u didn't care at all.
I was being myself in a very unresponsable and naive way, and you were just... out of yourself, unable to get out of character.
Guess that's what i should expect now about kids... they're all over themselves and what's around them, discovering the world and making mistakes.
That's a lesson to me and him, a painful lesson of losing a friendship i valued.
I am just angry and disgusted with all this. Thankfully you or your mind-slopped friend don't reach me out. Im done with you and i hope you do too.
October 05, 2026